A GRANDMA'S CHILD.

how many of us had already told to their grandmother personally how you love them so much?

how many of us had grown up with their grandma's around?

how many of us are proud of being a grandma's spoiled brat?

how many of us wish to turn back the time so that we can be able to show our undying love?...........

hi, today i am going to share about one of the most important person in my life. my LOLA.. ( grandmother ) whose always been there since my very first breath of my life. She is a good educator. A loving grandma to all of her grand daughter and grand son's. her love is unconditional. she is a kind of person who cannot resist her family. she rather choose to suffer just to see her loved ones in a good condition. no suffering. no teardrops fall because of some problems that you might encounter. a smile with the face because you're tummy is full of your favorite  food that she bought or cooked for you. a house thats filled with laughter because of her undying story jokes She make rules that no one can break it. she is a good leader of the family. She is our loving angel....

lola :)

23 years of my whole life i've shared it with her. From my first entry level of school which is the kindergarten.

At that time i am very scared. that is my first time being far from our house without my mama or lola around inside the room full of chairs with tables and books. I am scared to those little kids who happened to be my little classmates. She encouraged me to study at that very young age. so that i can get a high grade and afterwards get a reward from her :) until finally i graduated in kinder. another chapter has passed and still she is by my side....

me and lola. kindergarten graduation

Elementary days, high school days, until college days of my life. She taught me what to do and not to do while i am not still familiar to the things that surrounds me. She never failed to show how she supports me in everything. . Shes ALWAYS been there she helped  me in school emotionally, physically and financially.  she is mybiggest inspiration in life.. That is why the greatest achievement during my 15years in school i dedicated it to her..

college graduation. proud lola :)

As time goes by, As years added to her life, white color to her hair. slowly then she became more weaker. As the doctor diagnosed her a fatal illness called CANCER. thyroid ca. specifically. that is the type of cancer that most slowly progress. as we expected she undergoes a lot of treatment to cure the disease. On and off where in the hospital. as we can see improvements...Years we count and we are happy because she still with us stronger than before. in fact, She was able to celebrate her 76th birthday last march 2010. 

76th birthday

Everything seems to be fine, until OCTOBER 2010. 7months after her birthday. It turned out different. and this time, its becoming worse. The ambulance got her from the house. we went to the hospital and stayed there until she got fully recovered. During her stay there, while she was getting some strength from the medicine that medical staffs introducing to her. I feel so worried, restless... i know exactly what is happening.. and this is bad. very bad.. How many bags of blood do they need to hook? how many injections of medicine does she need to receive? How many laboratory tests need to be done? How many times of seizure because of a high grade fever she'll  encounter? How many times will the nurses and doctors flip the pages of her hospital papers? And most of it how long my grandma will hold the PAIN that she's suffering.. When will it end? When will they release the discharged papers? when will she come home? when will she be okay?

I can't take it anymore. We are two alone in that hospital room and there is no such words that will describe the pain i can see to her. I wanted to go away, because i don't want to hear her anymore shouting and throbbing in pain.. Until i open the door of her room, and that is when the doctor talk to me about her condition during that time.. I know that this was going to happen.. i should be prepared. but, it really hurts once the doctor saying and telling to me straight to the face " had your family made a decision about resuscitating/reviving the patient once we reached the critical part and you know what exactly i am saying.." and those were the last words that i couldn't imagine to happen.....

Watching a peaceful death of a human being reminds us of a falling star; One of a million lights in a vast of sky that flares up for a brief moment only to disappear into the endless night FOREVER..

ALL WE WANT IS A CURE.... BUT IT DIDN'T HAPPEN..

death is a  part of every ones life. NOVEMBER 6, 2010 Our greatest fear came. Her body gave up.. Yes, we chose to revive her. We cant afford to do nothing to save her life.. We prayed that GOD please for once, let this thing work.  But the doctors, they are just an instrument. no matter how hard they try.... its GOD who has the decision. and he decided to take her life...

TIME DOESN'T heal the pain, TIME is just helping you to LIVE through the pain....
Its been seven months.. but until now, i am still on the stage of denial. Its really hard to lose someone who is very close to you specially when its a part of the family playing a big role to protect it and to make it stay as it always has been. Who guiding to everyone of US here.

I miss you lola here. I am sorry i failed you. I didn't have any chance now to give to you everything you want. I am sorry because until now i am still useless. I am sorry for all the dissapointment that i caused to you despite of the hardship that you've given to me. I am sorry i wasn't able to be a perfect grand daughter to you..  I am sorry for everything. I wish i could say it to you now.. But you know i love you. I miss you. And thank you for being such a wonderful  and super LOLA to us!...........

* i want to dedicate this song to you *






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