UNTOLD..

I met him a half year ago.... First impression? Nah, just another typical guy nurse who used to wear white shirt. I find him quite funny especially when he do simple thing and yet can't do it perfectly but its highly entertaining. He's a FAIL!! haha As day goes by, as we go along together in our everyday field of work i had the chance to discover little things about him.. About his personality, his mood, the way he bully me, how talkative he is!! Well, that his kind of way of interaction... and one thing, He loves to watch beautiful and sexy girls!!
Then things suddenly changed. Things happened that i could never imagine to happen. We became more close, We often talk and message each other in phone. And during that time i can feel that there is something going on.. Its just like now were hiding in a place full of intrigue that if ever someone will catch us its DONE. were on the hot seat..  I don't know what to think or what to believe. Im in DOUBT.. doubt about him telling me that he LIKES me. Doubt whenever he says I MISS YOU..  but at the back of my mind i'm pushing myself to believe.. My heart beats fast every time he holds my hand.. and I smile inside whenever he make me feel that he CARES for me. And i want him to know that its truly appreciated.. he think his effort is never been recognized? he is definitely wrong because it MEANS so much...

Moments we've made, Stories we've said, laugh that we've shared is a very GREAT memory.




But i don't still understand why i can't express my feeling, I don't know what to say everytime he will ask me what i feel about him... I always say.. " hindi ko alam " "ewan ko.." " Naguguluhan ako.."
I know its a little bit unfair for him because he has no idea what i feel. He is in a kind of nowhere situation.
I realized maybe because i am not so sure that's why i cannot find the right word to say or maybe because of the fact that i am AFRAID... afraid to what people may say about us.. Afraid that, what if this is only a joke?
What if he likes me now and then tomorrow the feeling was gone. What if he's just fooling me around? What if i like him too will it lead to happy ending? or will it hurt too much? till i sob in pain.. There are so many what if's in my mind right now. and i know that feelings doesn't always last...
So for now, i will just ENJOY the moments... GO with the flow.. and STAY happy :)

HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH A BROKEN HEART?

You cry and scream and you act pathetic. You skip out on showers and lay in bed for days on end. You have pity parties. You get irritable and you push everyone away. You cry in bed. You cry in the shower. You let your heart ache. You let the pain throb and pulse through your entire body. You blame them, You blame yourself, you blame the world. You exhaust yourself with " What if i did this....would we be together? " You pretend you are getting better, only to have a relapse. You drink irresponsibly in hopes that you'll forget them for one night. However, This will only backfire and you'll end up crying harder and trying to drunk dial them. You consider giving up in life. You gather the strength to get up and take a shower only to break down once you start the water. You attempt to completely remove them from your life, You attempt to bring them back into your life. You can't bear being around anyone or anything, because everything around you  reminds you of them. You watch romance movies and listen to love songs, Then you will listen to I WILL SURVIVE by Gloria Gaynor. You have your good days and your bad days. You distract yourself at times, and  other times you sit semi comfortably with your misery. You wait for them to come back no matter how unrealistic that is. You wait until one day you wake up and the sun shines a little different. The wind grazes you and there's a slight spring in your step. One day yo catch yourself laughing genuinely, and things seem okay. You go out with friends and family again, except your not distracting yourself anymore. You still have those Saturday nights when you sob while watching. The notebook while wondering if they'll ever come back. But the feeling doesn't last. You wake up on sunday and feel alright again. Happiness will grow again, it just takes strength and patience...

TIPSY

It all started when i asked my friend " Dana, tomorrow is your day off GOODIES and inom ba ulet? " And she said " game " Actually,We already did it once a few weeks before and this is the second time around. Giving our selves a break once a week after a stress full work. I guess We definitely deserve it. 
11:45pm, We went to the store to get some drinks but this time together with one another friend Joko. I dont remember what he exactly said but its something like this " ok, i will just accompany you pero hindi ako iinom " but dana says " dont be a KJ " After a little conversation on that store we made a plan. no, THEY changed the plan and that is we will go to joko's place instead on that Goodies restaurant and do the drinking session (wow, am i actually saying the word DRINKING? haha!) 
I will admit, i do have hesitation on that time (hindi lang halata. hehe) but im actually saying to her " hindi kaya tayo isumbong ng mommy o kaya ng lola nyan kay doktora at sabihin na.. HELLO THOSE NURSES OF YOURS naglalasing sa bahay! get rid of them " aww, I really can't imagine that. haha


So going back to the story we landed safely to the place haha,  Actually it is more likely a perfect place to watch the beauty of the stars and the moon while laying down (senti? hehe) but i'm afraid that i don't have the chance to do that Because the last thing i know is everytime i will try to open my eyes my surroundings keep spinning around. Did i drink too much or just because madali lang talaga ako malasing? i don't know, but this is the first ever time na nagyari sakin to. And i'll tell you i can't really control my self from falling down whenever i try to stand. I am helplessly weak. So this is the feeling huh? I can't enumerate all the details that happened during that time. Yeah, I remember some things but not that very clear. But there is that ONE thing that always keep flashing on my mind.... Oh my gosh! did it actually happened? Did i respond? haha!  but Above all, 
Im just thankful na theres always someone there to catch me.. Dana, Joko thank you. i owe you a lot guys kahit na paggising ko madami akong gasgas at pasa sa balat. haha! anyway, this isn't your fault. 
And mostly Sorry for the mess that i've caused :) It wont happen anymore.


***END OF BLOG***

ONE MORE CHANCE: A FLASHBACK

ONE MORE CHANCE is a 2007 Filipino romantic film featuring the box office team up of BEA ALONZO and JOHN LLOYD CRUZ.  I considered it as one of the best tagalog romantic film that i ever saw. And this is my favorite local movie too. I've seen it for how many times and i'll tell you,  i will never ever get tired watching this. In fact, i just finished playing the movie just now for the 20th time i guess since the very first time i had seen it on the cinema. So now, that i have nothing much to do i decided to write this blog.
I love this movie because it catches my emotions and the flows of the story is absolutely beautiful. given also that the main character actor and actress here are my favorites. I cried, i laugh, i smiled as i watched it. and I always had a flashback in my mind whenever i miss the movie. and so i'll post some "scenes" "highlights" of the movie to make a recap :)

ONE MORE CHANCE:
A story about how true love waits for, hopes for, and needs....


For anyone who has ever loved:
" mahal na mahal kita at ang sakit sakit na "


How do you move on?
" ui ano yan? "
" bagong baby ni popoy"
" Ako naman ang may gusto nito diba? Pero bakit ang sakit sakit? "
" Ang totoo hanggang ngayon umaasa pa rin ako na sasabihin mong ako pa rin. ako na lang. ako na lang ulit. "
" She loved me at my worst. You had me at my worst and you chose to break my heart."

" Ten years from now, ganito pa din kaya tayo?"
" ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, forever and ever!"
" promise?"
"promise!"




" I dont even know kung tama tong ginagawa ko, pero alam ko kelangan ko nang tapusin to."
" Basha mahal mo pa ba ako? "
" Poy i'm sorry.."


When love ends..
" Five years? itatapon mo lang lahat?
" kailangan ko to. kailangan mo rin. "
" Pero ikaw ang kailangan ko"


" If kaya pang ayusin, pilitin. What if this is really what both of you need?  Then just be strong. Magiging mahirap at masakit pero hopefully all the pain will be worth it. "

How long should you hold on?
" Five seconds lang. Promise. Five seconds. One, two, three, please five. " 


How soon should you let go?
" Not so nice to meet you "
" malaki lang ang katawan mo pero di mo ako kayang patumbahin. "


 most famous lines in ONE MORE CHANCE
I wanna stop wondering what if. I wanna know what is.


But you're asking for too much. Gusto mo mawala na ko sa buhay mo.


Alam mo ba yung three month rule ha!? Lahat ng nagmahal at nsaktan alam yun! Kailangan mo muna maghintay ng three months bago ka mag ka boyfriend ulit!  Ba't ba kating - kati kang palitan ako ha? may dalwang linggo pa ako!


Mahal na mahal kita....... at ang sakit sakit na!


I wish i could take away all that makes you hurt. But i can't because you wont let me.


Mahal mo pa ba sya? 
" ayokong nakikita kang nasasaktan. "
(she reaches out and softly close his eyes.) Para kung masaktan man ako,  hindi mo makikita... Mahal mo pa ba sya? ( he start to sob. ) I'm sorry..

" Sigurado ka na ba dyan? kasi kayang kaya na kitang panindigan........"
- sana masabi mo yan sakin, kahit minsan.. kahit gano pa katagal.


" Pag naging tayo ulit kayang kaya na kitang mahalin ng buo. "

" Siguro kaya tayo iniiwanan ng mga mahal natin dahil may iba pang darating na mas magmamahal satin
- yung hindi tayo sasaktan at paaasahin..." yung magtatama ng lahat sa buhay natin.. "

A GRANDMA'S CHILD.

how many of us had already told to their grandmother personally how you love them so much?

how many of us had grown up with their grandma's around?

how many of us are proud of being a grandma's spoiled brat?

how many of us wish to turn back the time so that we can be able to show our undying love?...........

hi, today i am going to share about one of the most important person in my life. my LOLA.. ( grandmother ) whose always been there since my very first breath of my life. She is a good educator. A loving grandma to all of her grand daughter and grand son's. her love is unconditional. she is a kind of person who cannot resist her family. she rather choose to suffer just to see her loved ones in a good condition. no suffering. no teardrops fall because of some problems that you might encounter. a smile with the face because you're tummy is full of your favorite  food that she bought or cooked for you. a house thats filled with laughter because of her undying story jokes She make rules that no one can break it. she is a good leader of the family. She is our loving angel....

lola :)

23 years of my whole life i've shared it with her. From my first entry level of school which is the kindergarten.

At that time i am very scared. that is my first time being far from our house without my mama or lola around inside the room full of chairs with tables and books. I am scared to those little kids who happened to be my little classmates. She encouraged me to study at that very young age. so that i can get a high grade and afterwards get a reward from her :) until finally i graduated in kinder. another chapter has passed and still she is by my side....

me and lola. kindergarten graduation

Elementary days, high school days, until college days of my life. She taught me what to do and not to do while i am not still familiar to the things that surrounds me. She never failed to show how she supports me in everything. . Shes ALWAYS been there she helped  me in school emotionally, physically and financially.  she is mybiggest inspiration in life.. That is why the greatest achievement during my 15years in school i dedicated it to her..

college graduation. proud lola :)

As time goes by, As years added to her life, white color to her hair. slowly then she became more weaker. As the doctor diagnosed her a fatal illness called CANCER. thyroid ca. specifically. that is the type of cancer that most slowly progress. as we expected she undergoes a lot of treatment to cure the disease. On and off where in the hospital. as we can see improvements...Years we count and we are happy because she still with us stronger than before. in fact, She was able to celebrate her 76th birthday last march 2010. 

76th birthday

Everything seems to be fine, until OCTOBER 2010. 7months after her birthday. It turned out different. and this time, its becoming worse. The ambulance got her from the house. we went to the hospital and stayed there until she got fully recovered. During her stay there, while she was getting some strength from the medicine that medical staffs introducing to her. I feel so worried, restless... i know exactly what is happening.. and this is bad. very bad.. How many bags of blood do they need to hook? how many injections of medicine does she need to receive? How many laboratory tests need to be done? How many times of seizure because of a high grade fever she'll  encounter? How many times will the nurses and doctors flip the pages of her hospital papers? And most of it how long my grandma will hold the PAIN that she's suffering.. When will it end? When will they release the discharged papers? when will she come home? when will she be okay?

I can't take it anymore. We are two alone in that hospital room and there is no such words that will describe the pain i can see to her. I wanted to go away, because i don't want to hear her anymore shouting and throbbing in pain.. Until i open the door of her room, and that is when the doctor talk to me about her condition during that time.. I know that this was going to happen.. i should be prepared. but, it really hurts once the doctor saying and telling to me straight to the face " had your family made a decision about resuscitating/reviving the patient once we reached the critical part and you know what exactly i am saying.." and those were the last words that i couldn't imagine to happen.....

Watching a peaceful death of a human being reminds us of a falling star; One of a million lights in a vast of sky that flares up for a brief moment only to disappear into the endless night FOREVER..

ALL WE WANT IS A CURE.... BUT IT DIDN'T HAPPEN..

death is a  part of every ones life. NOVEMBER 6, 2010 Our greatest fear came. Her body gave up.. Yes, we chose to revive her. We cant afford to do nothing to save her life.. We prayed that GOD please for once, let this thing work.  But the doctors, they are just an instrument. no matter how hard they try.... its GOD who has the decision. and he decided to take her life...

TIME DOESN'T heal the pain, TIME is just helping you to LIVE through the pain....
Its been seven months.. but until now, i am still on the stage of denial. Its really hard to lose someone who is very close to you specially when its a part of the family playing a big role to protect it and to make it stay as it always has been. Who guiding to everyone of US here.

I miss you lola here. I am sorry i failed you. I didn't have any chance now to give to you everything you want. I am sorry because until now i am still useless. I am sorry for all the dissapointment that i caused to you despite of the hardship that you've given to me. I am sorry i wasn't able to be a perfect grand daughter to you..  I am sorry for everything. I wish i could say it to you now.. But you know i love you. I miss you. And thank you for being such a wonderful  and super LOLA to us!...........

* i want to dedicate this song to you *






  THE PERFECT FAN

***END OF BLOG***

ITS ALL ABOUT HAPPINESS

NOTE:  this is my first blog entry in this site and here it goes...




wala talagang perpektong buhay. hHindi palaging masaya, Hindi pwedeng palaging kung ano ang gusto mo eh yun ang mangyayari. Lagi daw kasunod ni happiness si sadness kaya kung happiness ang nararanasan mo ngayon, sadness is yet to come. But as other says..  kapag nakayanan mo daw ang storm, you deserve a rainbow after that.


Happiness is being with someone who'll stick up with you no matter what. Being with family and friends who will understand and listen into any situation that you might face.. Happiness? hindi yan hinihiling, hindi yan hinihintay. Tayo, tayo ang may kakayahang gumawa ng sarili nating kaligayahan. Its our decision if we want to be happy or not.


Who'll give happiness then? Ok. piliin natin yung pinaka favorite ng marami and that is the so called thing love. at kahit anong klaseng love pa yan. It has something to do with happiness.


Sabi nga nila... Love has its ups and down, its trust's and turns. Love  leaves us pain, teaches us until we learn something and even if it takes us so long it will also take us to where we really belong.  But how would you know where you belong if you have to choices na mahirap piliin cause there are positive and negative reasons to both sides.. ( by the way, i really dont know what comes to my head why all of a sudden e naisipan ko nalang sumulat ng ganito. Its just that this idea comes to my mind and the next thing i know is i started typing it now and let this things flows. labo eh no? anyway, ill just proceed )


I've never been into a relationship. But as far as i concerned, relationships are like traffic signs 1-way, 2-way, do not enter, no u-turn, no left turn. And i think the best so far is give way and keep right. Ikaw naman ang magpapaktakbo ng buhay mo diba? Are you going to follow the traffic signs or papaandarin mo nalang ang buhay mo roughly? will you turn to the left or will you turn to the right? who will you choose then, the one you love or the one who loves you? ( it maybe sounds cheesy but its part of the concept ) kapag ba iniwan ka, magpapakatanga ka bang hintayin sya na balikan ka o let go of him/her and start again. Eh, kung ikaw naman ang gumawa nun will he/she forgive you? Love or beloved? No matter what, At the end of the day its us who'll make a choice and it has always something to do with happiness


***END OF BLOG***